When a man loves a Penguin

by James Mirtle on Dec 12, 2008 11:28 AM CST Comment 10 comments

You know all's well with hockey in Pittsburgh when you start seeing letters to advice columnists along these lines:

DEAR MARGO: I have been dating a guy for two years, and when we met, everything was perfection. We have had ups and downs, of course, but I feel there's one thing that is always putting a strain on our life: My boyfriend is totally obsessed with the Pittsburgh Penguins. Everything he does revolves around them, from the clothes he wears each day (always a Penguins hat and/or shirt) to the car he drives (his license plate boasts the name of his favorite player) to his room, which is covered floor to ceiling with 8 by 10 pictures, jerseys in cases, pucks, sticks, game-used skates and hockey cards. He needs to go to all the home games (42-plus over eight months), and he goes alone because he only has one ticket. His hockey mania takes a huge toll on our relationship because it involves a large chunk of time away from "us." We both work and go to school, so our time is limited, but the Penguin season in the mix makes it much worse. I end up feeling unimportant to him -- almost as if he has a second girlfriend and he's cheating on me with "her." Please help me find a way to make him understand my feelings and to lessen the strain on our relationship.

— OFF-SEASON-ONLY GIRLFRIEND

Dear Off-Season Only,

There are a few things to do, but you're going to need to act quickly. I fear he might already be gone:

Change your name to Sidney
Grow a long, curly black mullet
Learn Russian so you can ask for autographs
Live in Mario's basement
Read The Pensblog religiously
Spend all free time voting for the all-star game

Then, my dear, you've got a chance.

Pensburgh has more (although no helpful, relationship-saving advice).

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" He needs to go to all the home games (42-plus over eight months), and he goes alone because he only has one ticket. His hockey mania takes a huge toll on our relationship because it involves a large chunk of time away from “us.”"

Ummm….get her a season ticket too?

There. Solved.

by Afino on Dec 12, 2008 11:54 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

But Margo says that wouldn’t work! Oh no, this woman’s life is completely ruined. So sad. Siiiigh

Follow the Penguins on SBN @ Pensburgh.com

by FrankD on Dec 12, 2008 12:02 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Well she doesn’t know there’s only 41 home games in a regular season…..

That’s a warning sign right there. I mean, if she’s going to complain about how many times he’s gone a year, don’t you think she’d actually keep count like a good psychotic girlfriend? :)

by Afino on Dec 12, 2008 12:40 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Don’t tell her that. Give the man at least one night of freedom outside of hockey.

Follow the Penguins on SBN @ Pensburgh.com

by FrankD on Dec 12, 2008 1:23 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Maybe preseason games, too?

"A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with." -- Tennessee Williams

by Baroque on Dec 12, 2008 5:51 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

This isn't Detroit

We’ve got a pretty lengthy waiting-list for those!

by matskralc on Dec 13, 2008 5:06 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

No kidding. He isn’t going to change sweetheart so may as well get yourself a powdered blue jersey and some thigh hock stocking and enjoy the relationship.

/my advice to my imaginary girlfriend, obviously.

The population of Pominville keeps rising!

by Blackcapricorn on Dec 12, 2008 12:03 PM CST reply actions 0 recs